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Welcome To The Paton Place Website

The Story of Paton Place

Image of a Grand Old Mansion

Deep in the depths of Essex stands a grand old mansion called Paton Place, This is the residence of Lord and Lady Paton. The property can be seen from afar, a large watchtower can be seen on the skyline and a strange shaped turret also draws the traveler’s eye toward the mansion.

Image of a Moat

As one gets closer to the property, the moat becomes apparent with a modified drawbridge, adapted especially by Rickets the gardener who is obsessed with security, there are brightly coloured gondolas bobbing on the water of the moat ready for Rickets the gardener, nurse Dangledown or Rochford the butler to paddle interested guests around the exterior of the house.

Image of a Elephant Traps
Image of a Tennis Court
Image of a Potting Shed
Image of a bunch of Potatoes & Carrots

Inspection of the grounds must be taken with great care. Rickets has elephant traps dotted here and there to catch unexpected intruders and his potting shed is probably best left alone. The tennis courts are magnificent but care must be taken when serving as potatoes and carrots are planted inside the service line to maximise the use of space in such a glorious paradise.

Image of a Sparse Room
Image of a Crystal Chandeliers
Image of Rochford
Image of a Bumbling Butler

Once inside the building you may be surprised at how sparse the rooms appear. They were once adorned with crystal chandeliers, exquisite paintings, ornate architraves, carved balustrades and guilt edged mirrors. This was prior to the arrival of Rochford, the larger than life bumbling butler who stole Lady Paton’s heart with his endless desire to please, Lord Paton however loathed the man but was never allowed to dispense with his services for the distress it would cause to my Lady!

Image of a Medical Room
Image of Nurse Dangledown
Image of a Bucking Bronko Horse
Image of a Beast Out of Control

The medical rooms are different to say the least. Nurse Dangledown has her very own way of caring for and nurturing her patients! Peddle bins are her preferred means of exercise for Lady Paton, there is a bucking bronko horse for Lord Paton to use but Rochford did experience a nasty fall when the mechanical beast got out of control and he wasn’t hanging onto the ears tight enough!

Image of a Broadcasting Studio

Tucked away at the end of the east wing are the broadcasting studios. Once a week Lord and Lady Paton, aka Lyn and Joe, open the door to the world to share 2 hours of music, conversation and various features.

Image of Jukebox Jury

Remember the old television programme called “Jukebox Jury”? Well, here’s your chance to vote on whether you would have voted the chosen song of the week a hit or a miss.

Image of Music Covers

There are so very many cover songs to be found and each week we give our listeners the chance to vote on which original or cover version of our selected song they prefer.

Image of a Relaxing Song

Lord Paton also goes by the name of Killer Joe! He chooses 4 songs for the country corner, that follows the “slouch on the couch” feature where a gentle instrumental song is played followed by a relaxing song always sung by a woman.

Image of Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes was a very clever man indeed and Paton Place runs a competition with the same name where musical clues are given in the titles of a number of songs, a point is awarded for the correct answer, all the points are placed in our very own accumulator box and at the end of the month, whoever has earned the most points chooses 3 songs to be included in the first show of the following month and that week also features a chosen year.

Image of a Recorded Song

Stardom really appeals to the staff of Paton Place, they have recorded a number of songs and hope to release an album before too long!

Image of British Aristockracy of England

We hope our lifestyle extends to you and that you will join us in the true, British Aristockracy of England.

Image of a group of Workers

Up U workers!
Lord and Lady Paton